Survival Tips for Pastor’s Wives During Spiritual Battle

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Just wanted to talk about things that have been going on for the last 7 months… I have taken an absence from my blog, as I felt the Lord wanted me to focus on some other things.

Last summer, the Lord allowed a trial to come into my life….and no, I’m not referring to Katie’s cancer… Last summer Satan began attacking me in various ways. It came on suddenly, and often without a break it seemed. I’m still facing this attack today, and I am so thankful for the Lord’s grace on my life, and in my family.

All you Pastor’s Wives know the target that is on our lives, as our husbands are in a position of spiritual leadership. If Satan can take down the Pastor, he’s got a better hold on the flock by which he is overseeing. I understand that Satanic attacks are “part of it”… and I want to grow and learn as much as I can from them all. The Lord has taught me so much over the last 7 months.

1. People are critical by nature

Romans 3:10-18 is very clear about our spiritual state…. “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:11 There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.12 They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.13 Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips:14 Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness:15 Their feet are swift to shed blood:16 Destruction and misery are in their ways:17 And the way of peace have they not known:18 There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

So, I need to realize, I’m a people, you’re a people, we’re all a people! I know how people can be, cuz I am one! When I became a Pastor’s Wife I didn’t suddenly become an angel….though my husband may think I am sometimes! hehe! This takes me to my next lesson….

2. I am human too

I make mistakes, I am human. People will hold me up at a ridiculously high standard because of what I am. That is very tragic and unfortunate…and there’s no way any Pastor’s Wife can fulfill that kind of standard! This is one of the greatest battles every Pastor’s Wife faces….the “pressure to be perfect”… and the criticism and unforgiving spirit she receives when she’s not… tragic. Just tragic. I thank God for churches who let the Pastor’s Wife be human, and they love her in spite of her own mistakes and shortcomings…and even love her more because of it.

3. God still wants me to do right

 1Peter 3:9 is very clear on how we ought to react. It says, “Notrendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”

Just because of #1, and #2… that doesn’t give me licence to get bitter, to withdraw from life, or even retaliate. As a Pastor’s Wife….you understand #1 and #2. But God still wants, and expects you to do right as His child. I like the poem by Mother Teresa, “Do it Anyway”…

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

4. Don’t look for appreciation, or thanks

I’ve been there done that…. I am the type that honestly needs some reassurance and some appreciation. Especially when I did something that was very hard and difficult to do. I need that, “thank you” or “I appreciate that”… God’s had to deal with me on this though. Especially as a Pastor’s Wife… my whole life is given to serving. And I watch my husband give his life for serving others. So when there’s a lack of response, or the response to my efforts and work is actually negative and critical…I have to give it to God, and He reminds me in Colossians 3:23-24, “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. This leads me to #5….

5. God will reward me

God’s appreciation has to be more important to me, than man’s. God’s rewards are so much greater than man’s. When I do something, I must continually be reminded, and ask the Lord, “Did I do good, Lord? I did it for you.” Great joy comes from really truly knowing that the Lord is happy with something I did, especially if it was something hard and difficult to do. I can hear Him say, “I know that was hard, I’m so proud of you.” When I get my focus on the Lord’s opinion and appreciation…nothing else will matter.

6. God opens hearts, not me

    Jesus dealt with the unbelieving hearts after His resurrection in Luke 24. Verse 45 says, “Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures,” 

     Remember Lydia? Who was responsible for her open heart? Acts 16:14 And a certain woman named Lydia, a seller of purple, of the city of Thyatira, which worshipped God, heard us: whose heart the Lord opened, that she attended unto the things which were spoken of Paul.

I can’t change people. My “doing right” as mentioned in #4 is not gonna change anyone’s heart. Just because I show love (or at least try) towards someone, doesn’t mean their hearts will open… in fact, it can have a contrary effect (read Proverbs 6:34-35).

7. Limit contact with poisonous people

(Poison is a strong word, I know…but the Bible is pretty strong.) Don’t be fooled, the poison will begin to infect you. Whether this is a neighbor, friend, family member…doesn’t matter. When I was a kid, and I was having a bad attitude, my mom would sometimes ask me, “Who have you been hanging around?”.. Because we are who we hang around. When hanging around those poisonous people, there is one purpose and one purpose only….to win them to Christ, or to administer the Word of God.  Sometimes avoiding the person is necessary  likeRomans 16:17  admonishes, “Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”  We definitely should abstain from certain relationships as 2Corinthians 6:14 explains, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  There are other Christians we need to limit contact with as well, as 1 Corinthians 5:11 clearly communicates, “But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.”  Having discernment that is Holy Spirit driven is necessary in knowing who to keep company with, and what the purpose of that company is. The principle from Proverbs teaches,  “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.” (Proverbs 22:3, and Proverbs 27:121)

8. I am not the Pastor

My husband is! I’m not responsible for keeping watch over the flock, he is. I can still support him, as he oversees, and feeds the flock…. I daily need to give him over to God in prayer. This leads me to #9….

9. Remember my role

My job, or role, is to love my husband, love my children, keep my home, and grow in the Lord. If I feel led to teach a class, or work in the nursery…that’s fine…but it’s not my primary role as the Pastor’s Wife. This I’m sure is also one of the tougher ones for us Pastor’s Wives! God will provide workers and teachers….maybe He’s just waiting for us to get out of the way so He can work! lol!

10. Study hard, pray hard

I WILL NOT LAST as a Pastor’s Wife if I don’t! Study harder than ever before, and pray harder than ever before. This is your source of strength to do what you do! Don’t settle for mediocre in this area. For everything else rests on your walk with God.

11. Seek help

As the Pastor’s Wife, guess what….it’s ok to need help. I sometimes need an outside perspective. The Bible even says there’s safety in having several counselors. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” Biblical counsel will even lift your spirits, as Proverbs 27:9 poetically explains  Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel. If necessary, seek professional help from a Doctor, there’s no shame in that. In fact, it is wise!

Above all else….God is faithful.

In my moments of fear,
Through Every Pain Every Tear
There’s A God Who’s Been Faithful To Me

When My Strength Was All Gone
When My Heart Had No Song
Still In Love He’s Proved Faithful To Me

Every Word He’s Promised Is True
What I Thought Was Impossible
I’ve Seen My God Do

He’s Been Faithful
Faithful To Me
Looking Back His Love And Mercy I See
Though In My Heart I Have Questioned
Even Failed To Believe
Yet He’s Been Faithful, Faithful To Me

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